1 00:00:00,850 --> 00:00:03,710 Robert: Hi, everybody. This is Robert, the producer here. Now, now 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:06,210 Robert: stay with me. I just have two very quick things 3 00:00:06,219 --> 00:00:09,159 Robert: to tell you, uh, before we get to today's episode. 4 00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:12,470 Robert: Now the other day, Suze posted a picture of herself 5 00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:15,510 Robert: on the Women and Money Community app and she asked 6 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,620 Robert: all of you, how old you thought she was in 7 00:00:18,629 --> 00:00:22,290 Robert: that photograph. And then she posted that the right answer 8 00:00:22,299 --> 00:00:25,350 Robert: would be revealed on today's podcast. So 9 00:00:25,649 --> 00:00:29,930 Robert: the correct answer is Suze is 40 years old in 10 00:00:29,940 --> 00:00:33,790 Robert: that picture. Pretty cool, right? I really dig that sweater. Uh, 11 00:00:33,799 --> 00:00:36,240 Robert: the second thing that I need to say to you 12 00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:40,990 Robert: is Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for listening to this 13 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,470 Robert: podcast and now on with a brand new episode... (Music) 14 00:01:21,029 --> 00:01:24,589 Suze: November 28th, 2024 15 00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:26,480 KT: Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. 16 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,080 Suze: Why are you gobbling KT? 17 00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:35,370 KT: Today's Turkey Day? Everybody. Probably my most favorite holiday of 18 00:01:35,379 --> 00:01:36,440 KT: all time. 19 00:01:36,699 --> 00:01:39,459 Suze: And why is that? Well, it's because of my stuffing. 20 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:46,019 KT: This is the day that Suze traditionally cooks and cooks 21 00:01:46,029 --> 00:01:48,260 KT: the best turkey dinner 22 00:01:48,889 --> 00:01:53,559 KT: ever, ever, ever, ever. We used to have massive, you know, 23 00:01:53,569 --> 00:01:58,440 KT: family members and groups and gatherings. Now it's pared down. No, 24 00:01:58,449 --> 00:02:01,220 KT: they love us and they so want to have... 25 00:02:01,230 --> 00:02:03,230 Suze: They all have their families, families, families now. 26 00:02:03,239 --> 00:02:06,360 KT: It got too big. We didn't have enough chairs. So 27 00:02:06,449 --> 00:02:07,599 KT: when you run out of chairs, 28 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,663 KT: you have to kind of re re refigure the plan. 29 00:02:10,804 --> 00:02:13,175 KT: So now it's Colo, Suze and KT. 30 00:02:13,184 --> 00:02:17,285 Suze: And we actually love that because Saturday is what KT? 31 00:02:17,294 --> 00:02:19,634 KT: Fishing tournament. Wahoo tournament. 32 00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:22,794 Suze: All right. And once again we are in the tournament, 33 00:02:22,883 --> 00:02:27,384 Suze: weather permitting. What I was trying to say, have you 34 00:02:27,395 --> 00:02:28,834 Suze: all noticed a trend 35 00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:33,399 Suze: that normally I start with the date then I welcome 36 00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:36,059 Suze: all of you because we always have new people. Have 37 00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:39,190 Suze: you noticed the trend that before I can do anything 38 00:02:39,199 --> 00:02:41,309 Suze: after the date, KT's on. 39 00:02:41,809 --> 00:02:45,720 KT: Gobble, gobble, gobble. It is a trend that I hope 40 00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:46,750 KT: never ends. 41 00:02:46,758 --> 00:02:50,750 Suze: There you go. So this is the Ask KT and 42 00:02:50,758 --> 00:02:52,550 Suze: Suze Anything addition 43 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:57,470 Suze: and this is the Women and Money podcast and everybody 44 00:02:57,508 --> 00:03:01,660 Suze: smart enough to listen. Now today we're going to do 45 00:03:01,669 --> 00:03:05,740 Suze: something that we did before, but we're gonna do it again. 46 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:11,660 Suze: It's going to be a conversation. Recently, I got an 47 00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:15,240 Suze: email because I read the emails along with KT and 48 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:19,940 Suze: I said, KT, this email I think is appropriate 49 00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:24,559 Suze: for Thanksgiving. And even though people are gonna listen to 50 00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:28,500 Suze: this podcast two weeks after Thanksgiving and whatever, it's an 51 00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:31,779 Suze: appropriate conversation 52 00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:34,008 Suze: because today, 53 00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:39,839 Suze: even though it's Thanksgiving in my wishes for the world, 54 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,839 Suze: I wish every day would be a day that we 55 00:03:42,850 --> 00:03:46,800 Suze: give Thanks for, thanks for the sun rising. Thanks for 56 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:50,750 Suze: the sun setting. Thanks for whatever it may be. But 57 00:03:50,759 --> 00:03:54,119 Suze: I want all of us to have a thankful heart. 58 00:03:54,490 --> 00:04:00,100 Suze: This is also a time today, especially when families gather 59 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:03,600 Suze: and they come together as one if they can 60 00:04:03,899 --> 00:04:05,550 Suze: and they share joy. 61 00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:12,050 Suze: But not everybody is in that situation. Some people are 62 00:04:12,059 --> 00:04:14,169 Suze: in different situations. 63 00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:17,980 KT: The email that we're about to read is not necessarily 64 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:22,839 KT: about Thanksgiving menus and recipes. It's about family 65 00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:27,089 KT: and it's about the awkward and the difficult and the 66 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:32,018 KT: sadder side of what families may experience or go through, 67 00:04:32,029 --> 00:04:35,000 KT: especially the child with the parent. 68 00:04:35,010 --> 00:04:37,209 Suze: When it comes to money. 69 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,570 KT: Oh, absolutely. That's, 70 00:04:38,649 --> 00:04:39,760 KT: that's why we're here. 71 00:04:39,769 --> 00:04:43,579 Suze: So sit down with us, relax and I want you 72 00:04:43,589 --> 00:04:48,350 Suze: to participate in this conversation as well. I want you 73 00:04:48,359 --> 00:04:52,269 Suze: to ask yourselves the question. How would you answer it? 74 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,070 Suze: How do you feel about it? 75 00:04:54,329 --> 00:04:57,329 Suze: And maybe it can give you some insight to also 76 00:04:57,339 --> 00:05:01,988 Suze: open up a conversation with your entire family and see 77 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,179 Suze: how they feel about it on the reverse side as well. 78 00:05:06,190 --> 00:05:07,299 Suze: All right, KT. 79 00:05:07,309 --> 00:05:11,928 KT: So this is from Cecilia, a daughter. She wrote dear 80 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:15,910 KT: Suze and KT. Your guidance is a blessing and I'm 81 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,789 KT: so thankful you are a channel for good in the world. 82 00:05:20,149 --> 00:05:25,250 KT: You often address parental questions around how to wisely act 83 00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:30,429 KT: for future generations. But what about family situations in which 84 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:36,690 KT: the parents are financially irresponsible? Is there a financial obligation 85 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:40,779 KT: of the child towards the parent or is it primarily 86 00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:42,690 KT: the parent towards the child? 87 00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:47,769 KT: My parents have been in debt and financially irresponsible my 88 00:05:47,779 --> 00:05:52,049 KT: entire life even needing to borrow money from me in 89 00:05:52,059 --> 00:05:55,719 KT: my youth. Now listen to this everyone and think about this. 90 00:05:55,950 --> 00:06:00,350 KT: I still remember at age six, my little yet precious 91 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,809 KT: savings taken. 92 00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:06,500 KT: I've had to in many ways raise myself and teach 93 00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:11,140 KT: myself how to be responsible with money. 30 years later, 94 00:06:11,149 --> 00:06:15,519 KT: I'm now an adult and they still just want to take. So, 95 00:06:15,529 --> 00:06:20,100 KT: Cecilia is obviously referencing her parents. She said I've tried 96 00:06:20,109 --> 00:06:24,630 KT: to guide them even recommending your podcast, Suze, but they 97 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:28,980 KT: cannot improve and apply any knowledge for change. 98 00:06:29,459 --> 00:06:33,440 KT: So, Cecilia has a problem, right, Suze, she said our 99 00:06:33,450 --> 00:06:38,290 KT: relationship has grown ever distant as they judge all my 100 00:06:38,299 --> 00:06:44,339 KT: actions with a monetary mindset. Their competitive nature is incessantly 101 00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:48,100 KT: sizing me up and seeing how they could benefit even 102 00:06:48,109 --> 00:06:51,799 KT: if I wasn't in a position, truly able to give, 103 00:06:51,809 --> 00:06:54,890 KT: they see all of my actions as having so much 104 00:06:54,899 --> 00:06:58,290 KT: more than them because they are in such a place 105 00:06:58,299 --> 00:06:59,089 KT: of lack. 106 00:06:59,809 --> 00:07:03,738 KT: So that's uh a very awkward place for Cecilia to 107 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:07,140 KT: be in. So, Suze, how can I balance giving while 108 00:07:07,149 --> 00:07:10,459 KT: not playing the role of the parent as your mantra 109 00:07:10,470 --> 00:07:12,609 KT: starts with people first. 110 00:07:13,149 --> 00:07:15,880 KT: If I don't give, I can feel guilty and if 111 00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:19,269 KT: I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and 112 00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:23,579 KT: like I'm perpetuating an endless cycle. I understand there's a 113 00:07:23,589 --> 00:07:28,440 KT: financial obligation parents have towards their children having brought them 114 00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:31,010 KT: into this world. But is there any 115 00:07:31,089 --> 00:07:36,029 KT: reverse obligation or can I feel free of their expectations 116 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:41,049 KT: towards me? I especially find myself concerned as they inch 117 00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:45,089 KT: closer to retirement ages and don't have much of any 118 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:50,250 KT: sufficient nest for all those years to come. Suze, Thank 119 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:53,429 KT: you for your care and help. Please tell me what 120 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,100 KT: to do, Cecilia. 121 00:07:55,359 --> 00:07:59,299 Suze: So KT, you just read that letter. 122 00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:04,519 Suze: We're not answering her questions yet. I'm curious as to 123 00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:09,470 Suze: how it made you personally feel. What did it bring 124 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,950 Suze: up for you? 125 00:08:11,299 --> 00:08:16,959 KT: Wow, Suze. It made me feel so lucky, privileged loved 126 00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:21,100 KT: cared for. It made me feel as opposite to what 127 00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:24,239 KT: Cecilia has experienced throughout her life. 128 00:08:24,519 --> 00:08:24,862 Suze: And loved by who? 129 00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:29,440 KT: My parents, my family, my siblings, so supportive, 130 00:08:29,829 --> 00:08:33,449 KT: my parents so did without in order to take care 131 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:39,369 KT: of six children and totally responsible, but I didn't know 132 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,090 KT: how much they actually gave up till I became an adult. 133 00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:46,400 KT: I did not really understand that. Why? Because I think 134 00:08:46,409 --> 00:08:47,869 KT: kids are young and selfish. 135 00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:51,829 Suze: And the reason that I ask you that KT is 136 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:56,059 Suze: that even more than me, truthfully, obviously, I spent a 137 00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:58,169 Suze: lot of money on my mother and everything, 138 00:08:58,419 --> 00:09:01,559 Suze: but it was a very different thing with me and 139 00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:03,319 Suze: my mother. You 140 00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:09,968 Suze: loved that you could help your mother. You wanted, you 141 00:09:09,979 --> 00:09:14,559 Suze: wanted to help your mother and father. Now, was it 142 00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:19,020 Suze: your responsibility to do so? Or was it your desire 143 00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:21,530 Suze: to do so because of how they took care of 144 00:09:21,539 --> 00:09:26,718 Suze: you and how responsible they were financially growing up? 145 00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:31,119 KT: We never, any of us felt that we were responsible 146 00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:35,189 KT: because they never put us in that position ever. 147 00:09:35,890 --> 00:09:37,675 Suze: So then it was a joy for you to give 148 00:09:37,675 --> 00:09:37,679 Suze: to them. 149 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:40,510 KT: Oh my God. It was something that not only we 150 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,530 KT: looked forward to, but I worked really hard because I 151 00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:47,659 KT: wanted to give them something special or 152 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,109 KT: thank them in a way that I knew they could 153 00:09:50,119 --> 00:09:52,890 KT: never have for themselves. 154 00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:58,549 Suze: And then because they were so responsible with money as 155 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,939 Suze: they got older and they got sick and your father 156 00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:03,809 Suze: had a stroke, all these things that happened, right. 157 00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:07,880 Suze: One of the happiest things in your life was being 158 00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:11,239 Suze: able to get your mommy a home, make sure she 159 00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:15,380 Suze: had a private aid, do all these things for her. 160 00:10:17,109 --> 00:10:20,890 Suze: And that was like, because I remember the day she died, 161 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:25,140 Suze: you were so thrilled that we did such a good 162 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:29,449 Suze: job that she still had $60,000 left so that all 163 00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:33,988 Suze: the kids, not you but could get $15,000 each immediately 164 00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:36,349 Suze: because she had a will and a trust and everything. 165 00:10:36,359 --> 00:10:37,039 Suze: Do you remember that? 166 00:10:37,479 --> 00:10:37,890 KT: Yes. 167 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:41,690 Suze: All right. Why do I ask KT that 168 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:46,609 Suze: Cecilia? Did you just hear that? 169 00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:53,049 Suze: Obviously it is a parent's responsibility bar none 170 00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:58,689 Suze: to take care of their children, nourish their children, educate 171 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,460 Suze: their children so that they can grow up and learn 172 00:11:01,469 --> 00:11:04,400 Suze: how to thrive in this world of ours. It is 173 00:11:04,409 --> 00:11:07,140 Suze: their responsibility to do so. 174 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,059 Suze: It seems like they did a pretty good job with you. 175 00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:18,739 Suze: And why is that? Because you saw by their behavior, 176 00:11:18,750 --> 00:11:22,608 Suze: how you did not want to do that. I just 177 00:11:22,619 --> 00:11:24,349 Suze: want you to all put a pin in that for 178 00:11:24,359 --> 00:11:27,189 Suze: a second. You said something in this email that I 179 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,059 Suze: found so fascinating. And I don't know if you remember this, KT. 180 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,880 Suze: I have a thing with the Nine Steps To Financial Freedom, 181 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:38,140 Suze: which was the best book I've ever written. Bar None. 182 00:11:39,710 --> 00:11:44,270 Suze: And the whole book's premise to begin with is your 183 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:50,080 Suze: first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life. 184 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:55,159 Suze: I went around and I started to ask a question 185 00:11:55,169 --> 00:12:00,340 Suze: not to 10 people, not to 50 people. Thousands of people. 186 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,280 Suze: Could they ever remember 187 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:09,218 Suze: mommy or daddy taking money from your piggy bank and 188 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,260 Suze: not paying you back? 189 00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,119 Suze: Well, 190 00:12:14,570 --> 00:12:19,000 Suze: everybody, even if they're incredibly wealthy today, whatever that one 191 00:12:19,010 --> 00:12:23,109 Suze: action of taking money from a piggy bank 192 00:12:23,929 --> 00:12:29,280 Suze: and not replacing it, scarred them. But it did KT Right. 193 00:12:29,299 --> 00:12:33,530 Suze: Did it. But it was that one memory that also 194 00:12:33,539 --> 00:12:37,530 Suze: spurred all those people to go and save money on 195 00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:40,469 Suze: their own and be responsible for it on their own. 196 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,909 Suze: So even though that's a hurtful action and memory that 197 00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:48,369 Suze: you have, I would almost guarantee you that it is 198 00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:51,030 Suze: that one action plus many after that, 199 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:56,280 Suze: that has made you the successful woman you are today. 200 00:12:56,599 --> 00:12:59,699 Suze: So sometimes when we look in our past, 201 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,770 Suze: you have to not dwell in the sadness of your past. 202 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:08,968 Suze: You have to dwell in the happiness of who you 203 00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:11,059 Suze: are right now 204 00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:16,469 Suze: and how you feel about yourself right now. So that 205 00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:20,890 Suze: was for you, Cecilia. KT, with that said, I just 206 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,210 Suze: have to go back again 207 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:28,369 Suze: to answer Cecilia's number one question. Is it the responsibility 208 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:33,049 Suze: of a child to take care of their parents? If 209 00:13:33,059 --> 00:13:37,549 Suze: the parents have been totally irresponsible with money and doing 210 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:40,539 Suze: things with it, that's like throwing it out. Is it? 211 00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:41,417 KT: No. 212 00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:43,369 Suze: There you go. I agree with that. 213 00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:46,400 Suze: Would it be any different 214 00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:50,580 Suze: if your parents were drug addicts? Because I've gone through 215 00:13:50,590 --> 00:13:54,659 Suze: this many times with people, they're drug addicts, they're alcoholics, 216 00:13:54,729 --> 00:13:59,359 Suze: they're gamblers and they have no money and they always 217 00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:01,960 Suze: want the money from the kids so they can go 218 00:14:01,969 --> 00:14:05,978 Suze: back to the gambling. They have nothing, nothing. 219 00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,559 Suze: Would you give them the money then? 220 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:12,429 KT: I would give them intervention, but I would not give 221 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:16,919 KT: them money. I'd give them intervention. That's a responsibility. 222 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,080 Suze: But Cecilia, 223 00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:24,520 Suze: would you feel guilty not giving them money if that 224 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:29,530 Suze: money was leading to the destruction of who they are? Drugs, 225 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,510 Suze: alcohol gambling? I want you to seriously think about that. 226 00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:36,570 Suze: I think it would be a lot easier KT for 227 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:39,880 Suze: Cecilia to go: Mom, I'm not giving you the money 228 00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:41,760 Suze: for you. To go drink yourself to death. 229 00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:45,010 Suze: It's, she could rationalize that. 230 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:45,489 KT: Right. 231 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:52,239 Suze: It's very hard to rationalize, not giving when, when they're 232 00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:56,090 Suze: just irresponsible. Which means they spend money, they don't invest it, 233 00:14:56,099 --> 00:14:57,830 Suze: they don't take care of themselves. 234 00:14:59,789 --> 00:15:00,690 Suze: Do you agree with that? 235 00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:03,549 KT: Yeah, I do agree with it. I, that's why I'm saying. 236 00:15:03,559 --> 00:15:07,950 KT: I think that Cecilia's difficulty here, Suze is that, it 237 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:12,169 KT: looks like she's the only source. She's the only money. 238 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,679 Suze: I have a feeling she's the only child. 239 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,380 KT: I think she's the only money pit, which is why 240 00:15:16,390 --> 00:15:20,090 KT: she's really in turmoil about how do I do this. 241 00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:24,140 Suze: So obviously, you see where this is going. Cecilia number one, 242 00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:25,760 Suze: we're gonna hopefully talk you off 243 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,250 Suze: the wall of guilt. We're gonna talk you off the 244 00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:33,059 Suze: wall of feeling that it's your responsibility and we're gonna 245 00:15:33,070 --> 00:15:36,820 Suze: talk to you on the wall of putting people first, 246 00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:39,309 Suze: then money, then things because the first thing I have 247 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:44,099 Suze: to straighten out is this when I say people first, 248 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:47,020 Suze: I do not mean other people. I do not mean 249 00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,820 Suze: go out and take care of the world. I mean, 250 00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:52,700 Suze: you have got to take care of yourself. 251 00:15:53,309 --> 00:15:56,830 Suze: Maybe I need to change that to you first, then 252 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:01,539 Suze: money then things. But Cecilia, the people I'm talking about 253 00:16:01,549 --> 00:16:04,130 Suze: in that phrase is you. 254 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:10,719 Suze: So you have to put yourself before money. You have 255 00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:15,299 Suze: to put yourself into a situation where you feel good 256 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:21,900 Suze: about every action that you take. That's number one. Number two. Again, 257 00:16:21,909 --> 00:16:24,989 Suze: I go back to this. How many years have I 258 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:30,020 Suze: been saying that you and your money are one. If 259 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:33,619 Suze: you give your money away 260 00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:37,869 Suze: to somebody who wastes it, what you are doing is 261 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:43,789 Suze: you are giving a part of yourself away to your parents. 262 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:49,429 Suze: Not money. That's true. That's the vehicle. But you and 263 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,979 Suze: your money are one. Money is a physical manifestation of 264 00:16:52,989 --> 00:16:54,150 Suze: who you are. 265 00:16:54,979 --> 00:16:57,830 Suze: So, the reason that you feel so bad about this, 266 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:03,679 Suze: in my opinion is that you are disrespecting yourself. 267 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:09,040 Suze: You are giving a part of yourself away, which actually 268 00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:12,270 Suze: hurts more than giving money 269 00:17:13,328 --> 00:17:15,879 Suze: if that made sense. Did that make sense to you KT? 270 00:17:15,938 --> 00:17:18,068 KT: Yeah, I think it does make a whole lot of 271 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:21,187 KT: sense to me, but I want the listeners to really 272 00:17:21,198 --> 00:17:24,989 KT: understand what you're trying to do to help her. 273 00:17:25,548 --> 00:17:27,029 Suze: So now I will get to that. 274 00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:31,698 Suze: Hopefully, we have answered the question, 275 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:37,310 Suze: parents need and must be responsible for their children. 276 00:17:38,339 --> 00:17:42,290 Suze: In my opinion, in KT's opinion, some of you may disagree. 277 00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:48,119 Suze: There is no mandate that a child is responsible for 278 00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:54,449 Suze: a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money only loves 279 00:17:54,459 --> 00:17:57,329 Suze: me for money, any of those things. Now, 280 00:17:58,079 --> 00:18:03,949 Suze: when a parent gets old, they've been respectful, they've loved you, 281 00:18:04,099 --> 00:18:07,800 Suze: they've honored their money, they've done everything they can. That's 282 00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:10,708 Suze: another story. You know, it's funny, KT, what I'm thinking 283 00:18:10,719 --> 00:18:15,239 Suze: of as I say this, how many parents even if 284 00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:18,449 Suze: they're grandparents now, they're old and they still have their 285 00:18:18,459 --> 00:18:21,140 Suze: children alive, right. Say, 286 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,969 Suze: I don't want to be a burden on my family. 287 00:18:24,829 --> 00:18:25,449 KT: Oh, many. They all do. 288 00:18:25,489 --> 00:18:29,430 Suze: Think about it. Everybody do any of you wanna be 289 00:18:29,439 --> 00:18:34,280 Suze: a burden on your children. And I can tell you 290 00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:38,219 Suze: if you love your children, the answer to that is no, 291 00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:41,089 Suze: a lot of times I talk to people I go, 292 00:18:41,099 --> 00:18:43,750 Suze: why don't you just take a little vacation? Why can't 293 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,209 Suze: you just get a little bit newer car so it 294 00:18:46,219 --> 00:18:49,040 Suze: doesn't break down on you in the middle of the 295 00:18:49,050 --> 00:18:51,839 Suze: night or whatever it is. And they say no, I'm 296 00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:56,040 Suze: saving every penny for my kids. I want my kids 297 00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:57,709 Suze: to have everything. 298 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:03,589 Suze: Cecilia. That's how loving parents think they don't look at 299 00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:06,739 Suze: their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their 300 00:19:06,750 --> 00:19:08,339 Suze: kids feel bad. 301 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:11,489 Suze: So if you choose 302 00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:18,020 Suze: to give money away, right? You cannot feel like you 303 00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:21,119 Suze: are being taken advantage of then. And I'm quoting your 304 00:19:21,130 --> 00:19:22,180 Suze: email right now. 305 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:28,619 Suze: You have to feel like you are disrespecting yourself. 306 00:19:30,329 --> 00:19:34,540 Suze: Did you hear what I just said, Cecilia, this isn't about, 307 00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:37,459 Suze: they have so much power that they could take advantage 308 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:38,829 Suze: of you. So you give them money. 309 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:43,010 Suze: Only you have the power to make a decision what 310 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:46,149 Suze: you do with money, what you do with your life. 311 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,099 Suze: So number one, you have got to get this concept 312 00:19:51,109 --> 00:19:54,459 Suze: of they're taking advantage of you if you give them 313 00:19:54,469 --> 00:19:59,780 Suze: money out of your mind. What else would I tell 314 00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:00,979 Suze: you to do? 315 00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,969 Suze: The first thing I would tell you to do, believe 316 00:20:03,979 --> 00:20:06,409 Suze: it or not is I would go see them. I 317 00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:07,640 Suze: would sit down with them 318 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,339 Suze: and I would look them right in the eye and 319 00:20:11,349 --> 00:20:14,020 Suze: maybe you tell them to listen to this podcast or 320 00:20:14,030 --> 00:20:16,579 Suze: that you want to play this podcast for them, 321 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:21,510 Suze: sit with them and let them listen to this podcast. 322 00:20:22,099 --> 00:20:25,639 Suze: They don't want to find no problem. You go over 323 00:20:25,650 --> 00:20:28,930 Suze: and you sit with them and you say mom and dad, 324 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:34,229 Suze: I love you very much. However, I am letting you 325 00:20:34,239 --> 00:20:39,510 Suze: know from this day on, I am not giving you 326 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,859 Suze: any more money. 327 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,800 Suze: If you need food, I'll go get food for you 328 00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:46,819 Suze: and give you food. 329 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:52,770 Suze: But make it clear to them that the Bank of 330 00:20:52,780 --> 00:20:58,188 Suze: Cecilia is closed, no matter what they say, no matter 331 00:20:58,199 --> 00:21:01,510 Suze: how bad off they get, you have to be strong 332 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:06,739 Suze: enough to let them hit rock bottom because I have 333 00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:10,989 Suze: found over my 40 years of doing this, change doesn't 334 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,069 Suze: come easy 335 00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:18,989 Suze: and change normally comes financially speaking, when the people have 336 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:23,630 Suze: hit rock bottom, they have no more credit lines. They 337 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:27,030 Suze: have nobody to go to, to ask for money. Every 338 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:31,760 Suze: avenue of that financial river has been dammed up and 339 00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:34,949 Suze: they are bone dry. 340 00:21:36,209 --> 00:21:36,829 Suze: So 341 00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:40,569 Suze: that's what you have to do and you have to 342 00:21:40,579 --> 00:21:43,670 Suze: be strong enough to do that. 343 00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:46,729 KT: So, Suze, I agree. With all of that. But I 344 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:51,429 KT: would have a slightly different approach. I would talk to 345 00:21:51,439 --> 00:21:54,430 KT: my parents and I would let them know clearly that 346 00:21:54,819 --> 00:21:57,889 KT: I don't feel good. I've been feeling very sad and 347 00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:01,050 KT: very depressed and they say why honey say because I 348 00:22:01,060 --> 00:22:04,629 KT: feel that you only want me around for my money. 349 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,739 KT: So therefore I need to feel that you love me 350 00:22:09,750 --> 00:22:12,699 KT: for who I am. From this day forward, I'm gonna 351 00:22:12,709 --> 00:22:16,739 KT: stop financing you or giving you money or bailing you out. 352 00:22:16,750 --> 00:22:21,180 Suze: All right, you've let's role play. You're Cecilia, I'm mom. 353 00:22:21,810 --> 00:22:23,800 Suze: You came to me and you just said that 354 00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:27,438 Suze: and I say that is not true. We love you 355 00:22:27,449 --> 00:22:30,719 Suze: for who you are. We've never loved you for your money. 356 00:22:30,729 --> 00:22:32,438 Suze: We've da da da da da because you have to 357 00:22:32,449 --> 00:22:35,899 Suze: understand KT parents like this are in total denial. Anyway, 358 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,438 Suze: you come from a place because you are so sweet, 359 00:22:39,849 --> 00:22:44,030 Suze: so sweet and you actually don't know anything other than love. 360 00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:49,479 Suze: So just remember KT comes from a family, she has 361 00:22:49,489 --> 00:22:51,829 Suze: never experienced anything 362 00:22:52,589 --> 00:22:56,079 Suze: but love in her life. How fabulous is that? 363 00:22:56,089 --> 00:22:59,770 KT: I know. Very fabulous. That's what I'm always thankful for 364 00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:03,540 KT: every day. So what I would do, mom. All right, 365 00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:04,530 KT: you're my mom, right? 366 00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:08,959 Suze: I've never felt that way about you. Why do you 367 00:23:08,969 --> 00:23:10,560 Suze: say that you're wrong. 368 00:23:10,859 --> 00:23:14,859 KT: If you mean that mom then starting today, I don't 369 00:23:14,869 --> 00:23:17,839 KT: want you to ask for money. I'm not going to 370 00:23:17,849 --> 00:23:20,959 KT: give you or daddy any more money. But I did 371 00:23:20,969 --> 00:23:24,319 KT: come up with a couple ideas for you to help 372 00:23:24,329 --> 00:23:26,560 KT: you when you get in those jams or to make 373 00:23:26,569 --> 00:23:27,359 KT: ends meet. 374 00:23:27,609 --> 00:23:29,989 KT: I think that you can do a couple of things 375 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,489 KT: to make money or to find money other than calling 376 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:35,439 KT: me for it. One is... 377 00:23:35,750 --> 00:23:39,829 Suze: Like what Cecilia? Look at this house, I have nothing here. 378 00:23:39,839 --> 00:23:41,300 Suze: Look at everything around me. 379 00:23:41,310 --> 00:23:43,500 KT: You have a lot of things and you can sell 380 00:23:43,510 --> 00:23:46,510 KT: things you don't use or need anymore who would want 381 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,780 KT: to buy this junk? 382 00:23:48,270 --> 00:23:50,310 KT: Well, a lot of people, you have a yard sale 383 00:23:50,319 --> 00:23:52,540 KT: and you give it a shot. You can probably make 384 00:23:52,550 --> 00:23:56,849 KT: about $50 100 dollars. Who knows? But start with that 385 00:23:56,859 --> 00:24:00,199 KT: mom second. You may want to downsize and live in 386 00:24:00,209 --> 00:24:04,930 KT: a smaller, more affordable place and then there's the jobs, 387 00:24:04,939 --> 00:24:09,489 KT: there's always part time work and jobs and opportunities that 388 00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:12,660 KT: you can do on the side to try to make 389 00:24:12,670 --> 00:24:13,770 KT: those ends meet. 390 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:18,089 KT: The only thing mom that and dad, that I'm absolutely 391 00:24:18,099 --> 00:24:21,380 KT: always gonna be there for you is to make sure 392 00:24:21,390 --> 00:24:26,130 KT: that you're eating healthy and I can always assist you 393 00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:29,369 KT: in providing a hot meal or maybe even come and 394 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:30,890 KT: cook for you once a month. 395 00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:32,800 Suze: KT, That was actually great. 396 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:38,599 Suze: But Cecilia, did you see how that went? Don't go 397 00:24:38,609 --> 00:24:41,969 Suze: in there when you sit down expecting that your mother 398 00:24:41,979 --> 00:24:44,900 Suze: and father are going to first time in your life, 399 00:24:44,910 --> 00:24:47,819 Suze: understand anything that you are saying? 400 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,750 KT: So they're gonna, they won't embrace you with love. They're 401 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,819 KT: gonna probably get really mad. So, but here, so be ready. 402 00:24:54,829 --> 00:24:57,849 Suze: But here is why I want you to do it. 403 00:24:58,390 --> 00:25:00,099 Suze: You aren't doing this for them. 404 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:05,139 Suze: You are doing this for yourself. You are doing this 405 00:25:05,150 --> 00:25:07,050 Suze: so that you can be clear 406 00:25:07,689 --> 00:25:10,750 Suze: that you have set boundaries. You've said what you wanted 407 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:15,780 Suze: to say, that's that you do it for yourself. If 408 00:25:15,790 --> 00:25:19,188 Suze: they hear you fine, if they don't hear you fine, 409 00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:25,020 Suze: all that matters is you have a voice and you 410 00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:30,069 Suze: said it, remember, I've said your voice is your power 411 00:25:30,079 --> 00:25:33,670 Suze: and you need to switch from guilty 412 00:25:34,569 --> 00:25:39,530 Suze: to not guilty. You need to switch from feeling taken 413 00:25:39,540 --> 00:25:44,140 Suze: advantage of to knowing you're not being taken advantage of. 414 00:25:44,150 --> 00:25:47,639 Suze: You cannot give out a guilt. If you give out 415 00:25:47,650 --> 00:25:51,879 Suze: a guilt, then you have totally disrespected yourself as well. 416 00:25:51,890 --> 00:25:56,280 Suze: So you are going to have to become far stronger 417 00:25:56,290 --> 00:25:59,780 Suze: than you have ever been. And why do I say that? 418 00:26:00,189 --> 00:26:02,738 Suze: You have given to them out of weakness, 419 00:26:03,170 --> 00:26:06,550 Suze: not strength, you have given to them out of the 420 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:10,510 Suze: wrong reasons because it's easier to give than to say no. 421 00:26:12,530 --> 00:26:15,239 Suze: You now have to say no out of love for 422 00:26:15,250 --> 00:26:18,659 Suze: yourself versus yes, out of fear 423 00:26:19,380 --> 00:26:21,599 Suze: that they're not gonna like you. They're not gonna do this. Oh, 424 00:26:21,609 --> 00:26:25,839 Suze: please look at your relationship already. That would be our 425 00:26:25,849 --> 00:26:27,359 Suze: advice to you, 426 00:26:28,349 --> 00:26:31,880 Suze: our advice where you stand in the truth of your 427 00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:38,579 Suze: own self-respect, your own love and your own thankfulness for 428 00:26:38,589 --> 00:26:44,260 Suze: giving yourself a life where you are financially, pretty much independent. 429 00:26:44,589 --> 00:26:47,010 Suze: You are doing things exactly how you want in your 430 00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:52,099 Suze: own life and be thankful as well that you have 431 00:26:52,109 --> 00:26:53,459 Suze: parents like that 432 00:26:54,109 --> 00:26:57,150 Suze: because that's what you have. So you might as well 433 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,650 Suze: be thankful because look at the gifts they gave you 434 00:27:02,219 --> 00:27:06,160 Suze: and the gifts that they gave you are gifts of 435 00:27:06,170 --> 00:27:09,290 Suze: self independence. 436 00:27:10,180 --> 00:27:13,040 Suze: So that brings us to the end of this Suze 437 00:27:13,050 --> 00:27:16,159 Suze: and KT conversation. Did you enjoy that KT? 438 00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:18,359 KT: I did. But it's a little depressing. 439 00:27:18,609 --> 00:27:21,280 Suze: It's not depressing. It actually, 440 00:27:21,290 --> 00:27:22,889 KT: it actually liberating, isn't it? 441 00:27:22,900 --> 00:27:27,000 Suze: It's liberating, but it's standing in your truth. And I 442 00:27:27,010 --> 00:27:29,550 Suze: have to tell you, KT, this is not just one 443 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:33,800 Suze: person having this problem. There are hundreds of thousands of 444 00:27:33,810 --> 00:27:37,579 Suze: people out there, maybe millions, which is why I chose 445 00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:38,560 Suze: it for today 446 00:27:39,349 --> 00:27:40,208 Suze: because 447 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,979 Suze: I know that more of you will relate to this 448 00:27:44,989 --> 00:27:49,359 Suze: than less of you, believe it or not. So therefore, 449 00:27:49,369 --> 00:27:52,420 Suze: there's only one thing that we want to do today 450 00:27:52,430 --> 00:27:56,520 Suze: besides wish you a very, very happy Thanksgiving. And if 451 00:27:56,530 --> 00:27:57,919 Suze: you're listening to this podcast 452 00:27:58,385 --> 00:28:01,864 Suze: after Thanksgiving, we hope you had a great one. But 453 00:28:01,875 --> 00:28:05,775 Suze: it's this: people first. And remember when I say that, 454 00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:08,314 Suze: I mean, you then what KT? 455 00:28:08,324 --> 00:28:09,375 KT: Then money. 456 00:28:09,454 --> 00:28:15,214 Suze: Then things and if you do that, stay healthy. Stay safe. 457 00:28:15,244 --> 00:28:19,854 Suze: We promise you you will be unstoppable! 458 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:21,354 KT: Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. 459 00:28:21,364 --> 00:28:22,535 Suze: And there she goes again.