1 00:00:29,020 --> 00:00:32,369 Robert: March 9, 2025. Welcome to the Women and Money podcast, 2 00:00:32,418 --> 00:00:35,560 Robert: as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody. Robert, 3 00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:38,619 Robert: the producer here. And yeah, I know, if you're hearing 4 00:00:38,619 --> 00:00:42,340 Robert: my voice, that means unfortunately, Suze is a little under 5 00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:46,139 Robert: the weather today. But have no fear. We have selected 6 00:00:46,139 --> 00:00:48,819 Robert: a part of a really great episode from a while 7 00:00:48,819 --> 00:00:51,740 Robert: back for you to hear today, and the message is very, 8 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,779 Robert: very important. But before we get to that, 9 00:00:55,479 --> 00:00:58,200 Robert: Suze wanted me to tell you that for those of 10 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,919 Robert: you who have a CD at Alliant Credit Union maturing 11 00:01:01,919 --> 00:01:04,599 Robert: during the month of March, the rates that she gave 12 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:08,039 Robert: you on last Sunday's podcast for the 12 to 17 13 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:12,250 Robert: month CDs, those rates are absolutely correct. 14 00:01:13,209 --> 00:01:19,980 Robert: 4.35% APR for amounts under $75,000 and 4.40% APR for 15 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,199 Robert: $75,000 or above. 16 00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:26,830 Robert: You can indeed add additional funds to your renewal CD 17 00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:29,849 Robert: to take advantage of those rates. You don't have to 18 00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:33,199 Robert: wait till the CDs mature to sign up for that renewal. Now, 19 00:01:33,489 --> 00:01:38,010 Robert: when you call and an Alliant operator tells you anything different, 20 00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:43,099 Robert: They're wrong. Simply tell them, please check with Don Potter, 21 00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:48,110 Robert: leader of the Member services division at Alliant Credit Union. Then, 22 00:01:48,389 --> 00:01:51,989 Robert: politely ask to speak to a supervisor and make sure 23 00:01:51,989 --> 00:01:56,190 Robert: you identify yourself as a Suze client. You see, Alliant 24 00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:59,879 Robert: has many offers for their members, but these rates are 25 00:01:59,879 --> 00:02:04,150 Robert: for Suze listeners. So again, tell the agent you're a 26 00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:07,830 Robert: Suze client. And one last piece of advice from Suze. 27 00:02:08,538 --> 00:02:12,309 Robert: Just keep your cool with these markets. The markets hate confusion, 28 00:02:12,410 --> 00:02:17,300 Robert: and everyone is confused right now, so just be patient. 29 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:21,209 Robert: All right, enough of me. Here's Suze from the past. 30 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,168 Suze: I got an email. 31 00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:26,880 Suze: And as I was reading this email, I thought, oh 32 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:31,240 Suze: my God, this is the podcast today. 33 00:02:32,029 --> 00:02:36,529 Suze: Because behind every one of our financial problems there is 34 00:02:36,529 --> 00:02:40,479 Suze: a personal story. There is something that's going on within 35 00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:44,809 Suze: us that causes us to create an outcome that we 36 00:02:44,809 --> 00:02:48,769 Suze: do not want to live, and yet somehow we don't 37 00:02:48,770 --> 00:02:54,769 Suze: even recognize the role that we play in our own stories. 38 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,948 Suze: So the question today really is, what is your story? 39 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:04,839 Suze: What is your true story that you are living that 40 00:03:04,839 --> 00:03:09,589 Suze: possibly you created, that possibly you have been put into, 41 00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:13,399 Suze: but yet you stay there? What is your story? 42 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,649 Suze: So as I read this story, I'm going to be 43 00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:20,649 Suze: pointing out things in it, 44 00:03:21,779 --> 00:03:23,630 Suze: to show everyone, 45 00:03:24,619 --> 00:03:29,580 Suze: how we on some level help create the story that 46 00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:33,139 Suze: we are living that we don't want to be living. 47 00:03:34,190 --> 00:03:36,160 Suze: And it goes like this. 48 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:37,940 Suze: Hi Suze. 49 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,309 Suze: Now I've interviewed you a few times, but this is 50 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:47,520 Suze: a very personal one. I'm in a bind, and please 51 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,960 Suze: do feel free to use my story to help others. 52 00:03:51,119 --> 00:03:54,679 Suze: You have my permission. Just don't use my name. 53 00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:58,309 Suze: Now before I go into this story, and I'm going 54 00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:00,550 Suze: to keep breaking this story up so I can talk 55 00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:03,029 Suze: to you about it, about things that I've noticed that 56 00:04:03,029 --> 00:04:09,500 Suze: maybe you'll identify with, this is a really, really brilliant woman, really. 57 00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:14,339 Suze: She has interviewed me and she's written some brilliant stories 58 00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:17,349 Suze: from the conversation that we had and. 59 00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:21,058 Suze: As hard as it is to figure out money, at 60 00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:24,218 Suze: least in our own mind, what's really hard is to 61 00:04:24,218 --> 00:04:27,419 Suze: be able to use proper English and write and be 62 00:04:27,419 --> 00:04:31,818 Suze: able to communicate that which others need to hear. 63 00:04:32,649 --> 00:04:36,209 Suze: Now she was totally capable of doing that, but she 64 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,170 Suze: couldn't even read the writing that was on the wall 65 00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:42,690 Suze: in the relationship that she happens to be in. So 66 00:04:42,690 --> 00:04:44,559 Suze: here goes her story. 67 00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:50,279 Suze: She says my husband has been a nightmare with his finances. 68 00:04:50,579 --> 00:04:57,170 Suze: I keep everything separate to protect myself as a result. Secrecy, lies, 69 00:04:57,299 --> 00:05:02,459 Suze: and overall poor budgeting and overspending wrapped into one. 70 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:07,058 Suze: Now before I go on, she says my husband has 71 00:05:07,059 --> 00:05:12,209 Suze: been a nightmare with his finances. She knows this. She 72 00:05:12,209 --> 00:05:16,859 Suze: gets this, and she keeps everything separate to protect herself 73 00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:21,290 Suze: as a result. That is the foundation of her story. 74 00:05:21,459 --> 00:05:24,070 Suze: Are you living a life like that? Do you recognize 75 00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:26,618 Suze: something that's going on in your relationship? 76 00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:30,159 Suze: And you have to do something because you have to 77 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,519 Suze: protect yourself whether it's physical abuse or financial abuse or 78 00:05:33,519 --> 00:05:37,479 Suze: whatever it may be. Are you living a story where 79 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:42,200 Suze: on any level you have to protect yourself because if 80 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,350 Suze: that's true, then you are building a foundation out of fear, 81 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,760 Suze: and nothing good will come from that, nothing. 82 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,519 Suze: She goes on to say, since the start of our 83 00:05:55,519 --> 00:06:01,190 Suze: marriage 5 years ago, 5 years is a long time, everybody. 84 00:06:01,559 --> 00:06:06,678 Suze: He has refused to file taxes with me. At first 85 00:06:06,678 --> 00:06:09,980 Suze: he told me it was because I work in New Jersey. 86 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,118 Suze: When I started to work in New York City, he 87 00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:15,040 Suze: continued to be evasive. 88 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:20,220 Suze: He also refuses to show me his tax returns, so 89 00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:26,130 Suze: therefore I'm forced to file married filing separately. 90 00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:29,190 Suze: I'm gonna stop here again for a second. 91 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:35,619 Suze: I'm forced to file married filing separately. It's because of 92 00:06:35,619 --> 00:06:40,619 Suze: his actions and what he is doing. She's forced to 93 00:06:40,619 --> 00:06:43,459 Suze: do something that she really doesn't want to do. 94 00:06:44,649 --> 00:06:47,709 Suze: Is that your story any of you, but that is 95 00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:51,510 Suze: the first indication where in this email. 96 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:56,000 Suze: She's saying that she was forced to do something. Nobody 97 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,719 Suze: forces you to do something. You recognize the situation and 98 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,320 Suze: then you choose to do it. And if they're forcing 99 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,549 Suze: you to do it, now we're in an abusive relationship. 100 00:07:06,079 --> 00:07:10,239 Suze: But he's not forcing her. She's choosing to do that 101 00:07:10,239 --> 00:07:11,920 Suze: cause she's choosing to stay. 102 00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:15,559 Suze: When I was 4 months pregnant, so now we have 103 00:07:15,559 --> 00:07:20,559 Suze: a child entering the situation, I discovered he mortgaged an 104 00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:26,359 Suze: investment property and received $30,000 of cash from it. 105 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:31,899 Suze: I found this out while accidentally opening his mail. 106 00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:37,859 Suze: Now you accidentally open up somebody's mail, your husband's mail. 107 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,869 Suze: And you see that he got a lump sum of 108 00:07:41,869 --> 00:07:44,279 Suze: $30,000 that you never knew about. 109 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,100 Suze: I open up KTt's mail all the time. I look 110 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,100 Suze: at KT's emails all the time. 111 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,190 Suze: I look at her taxes. I look at everything just 112 00:07:54,570 --> 00:07:57,010 Suze: because I want to make sure that she's up to 113 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,799 Suze: date with everything, cause a lot of business stuff comes in, 114 00:08:00,049 --> 00:08:03,250 Suze: but never in a million years and vice versa, by 115 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:07,089 Suze: the way, my email account is on her phone, her 116 00:08:07,089 --> 00:08:11,410 Suze: email account is on my phone. Total transparency, everybody. There 117 00:08:11,410 --> 00:08:16,420 Suze: are no secrets. There isn't accidentally opening up a statement. 118 00:08:17,070 --> 00:08:18,730 Suze: If I want to open up a statement, I open 119 00:08:18,730 --> 00:08:19,730 Suze: up a statement. 120 00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:26,899 Suze: But she even uses the words I accidentally opened his mail, 121 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:31,100 Suze: which also says he has said to her, Don't you 122 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:35,219 Suze: dare touch my mail. Don't open up anything. What's addressed 123 00:08:35,219 --> 00:08:38,219 Suze: to me is mine. What's addressed to you is yours. 124 00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:39,530 Suze: Don't touch it. 125 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:44,409 Suze: So I find that fascinating that we're even seeing right 126 00:08:44,409 --> 00:08:47,919 Suze: now a relationship where she's 4 months pregnant. 127 00:08:48,969 --> 00:08:55,039 Suze: And things are still secretive things are still hidden, and 128 00:08:55,039 --> 00:08:59,098 Suze: she finds out about something that she never had any idea. 129 00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:04,200 Suze: Don't you think that is a serious warning sign, a 130 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,390 Suze: warning sign where the story is something's not right here. 131 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,840 Suze: I don't have freedom in this relationship. I can't just 132 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:16,359 Suze: be and say anything. I'm living by his rules. 133 00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:22,719 Suze: And his rules and actions are absolutely exclusive of me, 134 00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:28,049 Suze: and I'm allowing that to happen. I'm now starting to 135 00:09:28,049 --> 00:09:33,840 Suze: write my own story where I'm abusing myself because I'm staying. 136 00:09:34,409 --> 00:09:37,140 Suze: Do you understand, everybody, what I'm saying to you and 137 00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:42,599 Suze: why I find this email so fascinating and so sad 138 00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:44,840 Suze: when a brilliant woman. 139 00:09:45,690 --> 00:09:48,968 Suze: Does that to herself, and the question has to be 140 00:09:48,969 --> 00:09:54,289 Suze: asked and answered why, why do we do that to ourselves? 141 00:09:54,450 --> 00:09:57,718 Suze: What are we afraid of? Are we afraid of leaving 142 00:09:57,719 --> 00:10:00,209 Suze: and going out and being on our own? Are we 143 00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:03,770 Suze: afraid of hurting somebody? Are we staying under the pretense 144 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,890 Suze: of he's a good guy or she's a good woman 145 00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:10,210 Suze: or whatever? Why I'm asking you to ask yourself these 146 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:14,840 Suze: questions whether they apply to you or somebody that you know. 147 00:10:15,229 --> 00:10:20,439 Suze: 'Cause stories like this have to be revealed and understood 148 00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:24,390 Suze: so that situation can end, cause if it doesn't end 149 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:29,218 Suze: sooner than later, it ends up really, really bad. 150 00:10:30,179 --> 00:10:34,609 Suze: She then goes on to say, however, the house that 151 00:10:34,609 --> 00:10:41,700 Suze: he refinanced has since sold for $300,000 above original price. 152 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,719 Suze: He says he didn't get any money from it, however, 153 00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:49,039 Suze: and then she goes on to say, I have trouble 154 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:50,609 Suze: believing that. 155 00:10:51,729 --> 00:10:57,169 Suze: Let's underline that I have trouble believing that. Why are 156 00:10:57,169 --> 00:11:01,169 Suze: we staying in a relationship with somebody that we don't 157 00:11:01,169 --> 00:11:04,530 Suze: believe what they are telling us, where we can't open 158 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:08,789 Suze: up mail freely, where we can't see their tax returns? Why? 159 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:13,890 Suze: What pulls us and keeps us in that story? But 160 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,239 Suze: then she goes on to say it gets worse. 161 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:23,869 Suze: In July 2020, I saw $42,000 from Charles Schwab hit 162 00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:25,229 Suze: our joint account. 163 00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:31,260 Suze: He immediately raided the Schwab in the amount of 48,000 164 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:34,699 Suze: to buy a Porsche and didn't tell me. 165 00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:39,090 Suze: I'll let that sink in for a second. 166 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,598 Suze: How would you feel if you had a joint account 167 00:11:43,599 --> 00:11:47,348 Suze: with your spouse and all of a sudden from nowhere 168 00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:53,400 Suze: you see $42,000 enter that account and you're like, whoa, 169 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,320 Suze: where did that come from? 170 00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:59,419 Suze: That's a lot of money. What, what, what are we 171 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,219 Suze: doing here? And then all of a sudden, as quick 172 00:12:02,219 --> 00:12:05,570 Suze: as it comes in, you see it disappear and why? 173 00:12:06,099 --> 00:12:10,500 Suze: He buys a Porsche with it and he doesn't tell you, 174 00:12:10,619 --> 00:12:12,900 Suze: but the reason you find out is cause now it's 175 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,780 Suze: sitting in your driveway. How's that make you feel? What 176 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:18,099 Suze: do you think about that? 177 00:12:18,799 --> 00:12:21,000 Suze: Why is that a story that you still want to 178 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,479 Suze: be a part of? She goes on to say, I 179 00:12:24,479 --> 00:12:30,520 Suze: threatened divorce and ordered him into therapy. Problem here, she 180 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:35,718 Suze: ordered him into therapy. He had no desire to go 181 00:12:35,719 --> 00:12:40,039 Suze: into therapy on his own because he didn't think he 182 00:12:40,039 --> 00:12:41,880 Suze: was doing anything wrong. 183 00:12:42,809 --> 00:12:45,340 Suze: In the meantime this woman... 184 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,229 Suze: She is now living a story that she really wishes 185 00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:53,590 Suze: she wasn't part of, and so she takes her last 186 00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:57,340 Suze: shot at it and says, you are going to therapy, 187 00:12:57,549 --> 00:13:01,900 Suze: and he has been going weekly now for 7 months. 188 00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:07,488 Suze: At the therapist's urging, he has shown me some bank 189 00:13:07,489 --> 00:13:10,940 Suze: and credit statements. Please note, everybody, it does not say 190 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:15,070 Suze: he has shown me all of his bank and credit statements. 191 00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:20,010 Suze: Some of them he has showed her his pay stub 192 00:13:20,010 --> 00:13:24,299 Suze: and miscellaneous expenses like his car note, however. 193 00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:28,789 Suze: He still refuses to show me the tax returns or 194 00:13:28,789 --> 00:13:32,799 Suze: be transparent enough to work with a financial coach to 195 00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:38,000 Suze: help us get back on track. 3 coaches have refused 196 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,030 Suze: to work with us after reaching an impasse with him. 197 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:47,150 Suze: 3 coaches have said, You know what, I'm out of here. 198 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,429 Suze: He isn't somebody that we can work with. 199 00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:56,000 Suze: So this is why this woman now has written and 200 00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:01,199 Suze: she says the following. My question is this I am 201 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,520 Suze: a smart girl about my money. Then she says thanks 202 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,070 Suze: to you. 203 00:14:05,739 --> 00:14:09,520 Suze: I like that part of it. However, some days I 204 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:13,510 Suze: want to leave, some days I want to stay. 205 00:14:14,299 --> 00:14:17,700 Suze: Now here is the key to this email. 206 00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:22,059 Suze: I'm really trying to make this work as we have 207 00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:25,090 Suze: a 2 year old child. 208 00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:29,020 Suze: And now we know why she's really staying. She's not 209 00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:32,020 Suze: staying because she loves him. She's not staying because she 210 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:36,780 Suze: likes him. She's staying because she has a 2 year 211 00:14:36,780 --> 00:14:41,530 Suze: old child, and she doesn't want her child to grow up, 212 00:14:41,739 --> 00:14:45,609 Suze: possibly without a father, but she, in her own mind 213 00:14:45,609 --> 00:14:48,539 Suze: thinks that it is better for her to stay in 214 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:50,340 Suze: this relationship for the child. 215 00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:55,349 Suze: But yet she and her own needs have totally disappeared. 216 00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:59,669 Suze: She says, Is there any possible way for me to 217 00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:03,380 Suze: remain in this marriage and be in a financially healthy, 218 00:15:03,549 --> 00:15:07,710 Suze: she doesn't say emotionally or psychologically. All she says is 219 00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:11,419 Suze: financially healthy, as if money is the only thing that matters. 220 00:15:12,130 --> 00:15:17,049 Suze: A financially healthy place with everything separate with us not 221 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:22,719 Suze: filing returns together. I save as much as possible, and 222 00:15:22,719 --> 00:15:25,640 Suze: I have opened up an account with and then she 223 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,840 Suze: names a brokerage firm, and it's doing well. One day 224 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,760 Suze: I do plan to buy a home with my parents. 225 00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:38,630 Suze: But his name if we remained together, would not be 226 00:15:38,630 --> 00:15:42,830 Suze: on the mortgage or the deed. OK, that's it. I'll 227 00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:45,500 Suze: take all the straight talk you have to give. 228 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:52,200 Suze: All right, that's the email. So why, once again, am 229 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,599 Suze: I choosing to talk about this on the Women and 230 00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:59,549 Suze: Money podcast as well as everyone smart enough to listen. 231 00:16:00,619 --> 00:16:03,690 Suze: If you're really smart enough to listen to this podcast. 232 00:16:04,349 --> 00:16:06,940 Suze: And you're really somebody who has been with me for 233 00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:11,900 Suze: all these years now or maybe you're brand new to 234 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:13,109 Suze: learning about me. 235 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:18,549 Suze: What does money matter when you yourself aren't fulfilled, when 236 00:16:18,549 --> 00:16:23,359 Suze: you are in a relationship and you don't have any joy, 237 00:16:23,489 --> 00:16:26,799 Suze: you don't have any freedom, you don't have any trust yet, 238 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,919 Suze: you decide to stay. 239 00:16:29,659 --> 00:16:32,109 Suze: And many times you decide to stay because you have 240 00:16:32,109 --> 00:16:34,830 Suze: a 2 year old child. 241 00:16:35,679 --> 00:16:40,119 Suze: Now I wrote this woman back a very long answer, 242 00:16:40,479 --> 00:16:44,039 Suze: but here are the things that essentially I wanted to 243 00:16:44,039 --> 00:16:44,799 Suze: point out. 244 00:16:45,690 --> 00:16:48,989 Suze: What really got me was she had a 2 year 245 00:16:48,989 --> 00:16:49,780 Suze: old child. 246 00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:54,640 Suze: And I wrote her and I said, don't you think? 247 00:16:55,369 --> 00:16:58,750 Suze: That every time you pick up that child and you 248 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:03,229 Suze: hold that child to your chest that the child can't 249 00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:08,389 Suze: feel that something is wrong, that Mommy isn't happy that 250 00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:11,270 Suze: Mommy's in a relationship that she really doesn't want to 251 00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:15,829 Suze: be in, and you really think that you're staying and 252 00:17:15,829 --> 00:17:17,819 Suze: it will benefit your child. 253 00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:21,479 Suze: Don't you think that you may be teaching your child 254 00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:25,170 Suze: that you stay against all odds, you give up anything 255 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,670 Suze: that could mean anything to you, you ruin your own 256 00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:29,719 Suze: life and you do that for your children? 257 00:17:30,069 --> 00:17:33,849 Suze: If your child was you and coming to you right 258 00:17:33,849 --> 00:17:37,208 Suze: now and was in a relationship like you're in right now, 259 00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:40,579 Suze: what would you say to your child? Wouldn't you say 260 00:17:40,579 --> 00:17:43,420 Suze: to your child, honey, please come home, live with me, 261 00:17:43,579 --> 00:17:48,188 Suze: get divorced. It's over. Come on, let's create a great 262 00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:48,699 Suze: home 263 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:54,640 Suze: together in love in trust, in integrity, not just for 264 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,829 Suze: you but for the child as well. 265 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,929 Suze: And then we have a situation where mommy and daddy 266 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:03,459 Suze: want to buy a home with this woman. 267 00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:08,369 Suze: But the woman doesn't want the husband's name on the home. 268 00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:12,729 Suze: Here's something all of you really, really need to remember. 269 00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,780 Suze: When you are married. 270 00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:20,869 Suze: And you are making money after you are married, especially 271 00:18:20,869 --> 00:18:25,550 Suze: if you do not have a prenuptial agreement. All the 272 00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:28,310 Suze: money that you may be saving in this account that 273 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:32,660 Suze: she says she opened in her 401k where she works, 274 00:18:32,869 --> 00:18:37,390 Suze: all of these things, if they get divorced, the longer 275 00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:41,790 Suze: they are married, chances are half of that money is 276 00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:45,819 Suze: going to go to her husband in this particular case. 277 00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:50,670 Suze: So the longer she postpones doing that which she knows 278 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,619 Suze: she should do for herself. 279 00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:56,989 Suze: The less money she is going to have in the 280 00:18:56,989 --> 00:19:01,109 Suze: long run, and if she happens to buy a home 281 00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:05,270 Suze: with her parents, even if his name is not on it. 282 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:10,079 Suze: He's gonna own half of what she has within that 283 00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:12,430 Suze: home if they get divorced. 284 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:16,270 Suze: So what is the story that we're writing here, everybody? 285 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,989 Suze: What are we postponing? When your story reveals to you 286 00:19:21,239 --> 00:19:24,599 Suze: the truth of what is going on in your life, 287 00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,599 Suze: you cannot postpone making a decision over it. 288 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,449 Suze: Because if you postpone it and postpone it and postpone 289 00:19:31,449 --> 00:19:35,479 Suze: it and postpone it, you are the one that financially 290 00:19:35,479 --> 00:19:39,689 Suze: is going to suffer big time, especially if you are 291 00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:44,000 Suze: legally married. Now I get when a relationship goes off 292 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,199 Suze: the charts and you try and you try to make 293 00:19:47,199 --> 00:19:47,770 Suze: it better. 294 00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:52,819 Suze: But if 3 coaches have left him, if he's still 295 00:19:52,819 --> 00:19:57,179 Suze: not willing to show you his tax return, if he's 296 00:19:57,180 --> 00:20:00,170 Suze: trying because you forced him to try. 297 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,599 Suze: Do you really think this is something that you want 298 00:20:04,599 --> 00:20:08,520 Suze: to stay with? My advice to her was a very 299 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:12,310 Suze: interesting piece of advice. It was very simple. It was, 300 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,438 Suze: I would immediately divorce him. 301 00:20:16,699 --> 00:20:20,889 Suze: Once you divorce him, you now have stopped the clock 302 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:23,810 Suze: on all the money that you're going to accumulate in 303 00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:26,699 Suze: the future or with your parents, where he will no 304 00:20:26,699 --> 00:20:28,410 Suze: longer be entitled to it. 305 00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:33,669 Suze: Next, if you want to stay with him, OK, if 306 00:20:33,670 --> 00:20:36,670 Suze: you want to continue to be abusive to yourself and 307 00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:39,670 Suze: in the long run your child, in my opinion, OK. 308 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,300 Suze: But at least financially speaking, you have now cut the 309 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:48,099 Suze: cord that binds the two of you with your savings, 310 00:20:48,219 --> 00:20:50,819 Suze: your retirement account, your real estate, whatever it is that 311 00:20:50,819 --> 00:20:54,619 Suze: you may purchase. It cuts that cord and it gives 312 00:20:54,619 --> 00:20:57,899 Suze: you that freedom, and that is the freedom that you 313 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:01,660 Suze: gave yourself. And the other thing is this. 314 00:21:02,209 --> 00:21:06,219 Suze: Do you understand that because you are married and you 315 00:21:06,219 --> 00:21:10,260 Suze: have to file separately, you cannot take advantage of so 316 00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:13,530 Suze: many of the retirement accounts out there that are what 317 00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:16,060 Suze: I consider the best retirement accounts in the world, and 318 00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:17,430 Suze: that is a Roth IRA. 319 00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:21,300 Suze: Because you can't make more than $10,000 a year of 320 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:25,979 Suze: adjusted gross income if you are married filing separately to 321 00:21:25,979 --> 00:21:27,709 Suze: have a Roth IRA. 322 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:34,089 Suze: So there are things that you aren't able to participate in. Why? 323 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:39,119 Suze: Because he has forced you in your mind to file 324 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:42,760 Suze: married finally and separately cause he won't show you his 325 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:48,630 Suze: tax returns. And why won't he show you his tax returns? Why? 326 00:21:49,469 --> 00:21:53,819 Suze: And how does he file? What if he files married 327 00:21:53,819 --> 00:21:59,339 Suze: filing jointly and forges your name on those tax returns? 328 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,900 Suze: What if he is doing that, and that is the 329 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:06,379 Suze: reason why he does not want to show you his 330 00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:09,530 Suze: tax returns? What if that's possible? 331 00:22:10,939 --> 00:22:14,880 Suze: So the reason I wanted to tell this story is 332 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:19,679 Suze: that I wanted bad ending stories to stop, and here's 333 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,359 Suze: what I'm asking all of you to do. I want 334 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:23,929 Suze: you 335 00:22:24,709 --> 00:22:28,909 Suze: to pick a story that you are living, a part 336 00:22:28,910 --> 00:22:32,709 Suze: of your life that you're really not happy with. 337 00:22:33,459 --> 00:22:36,449 Suze: And everyone has a part of their life I would 338 00:22:36,449 --> 00:22:38,159 Suze: imagine that they're not happy with. 339 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:43,810 Suze: So I want all of you to write down your story. 340 00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:48,810 Suze: What part of your life are you living that you 341 00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:50,150 Suze: don't like? 342 00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:54,609 Suze: And then I want you to read it back to yourselves, 343 00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:56,659 Suze: and I want you 344 00:22:57,420 --> 00:23:00,500 Suze: to pick out the phrases like I did for you 345 00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:02,169 Suze: in this podcast. 346 00:23:03,410 --> 00:23:07,569 Suze: Where you're blaming somebody else for the situation that you 347 00:23:07,569 --> 00:23:08,719 Suze: happen to be in. 348 00:23:09,589 --> 00:23:13,728 Suze: And if you find that as you're reading your story 349 00:23:13,729 --> 00:23:18,170 Suze: that you're using words like they forced me, I did 350 00:23:18,170 --> 00:23:20,280 Suze: this I whatever it may be. 351 00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:24,829 Suze: Then this is the time for you to rewrite your story. 352 00:23:25,790 --> 00:23:30,379 Suze: Cause every story that you live, one should be happy, 353 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:34,189 Suze: should be fulfilled, should be something that you learn from. 354 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,069 Suze: There's no room in this world right now for sadness 355 00:23:39,069 --> 00:23:41,780 Suze: or anger or to be vindictive. 356 00:23:43,270 --> 00:23:46,829 Suze: There's no room anymore. It's almost as if this entire 357 00:23:46,829 --> 00:23:49,958 Suze: world is filled with anger. We're angry because we're in 358 00:23:49,959 --> 00:23:54,790 Suze: a relationship that we don't like. We're angry because we're 359 00:23:54,790 --> 00:23:58,420 Suze: caretakers and we've been caretakers now for a long time, 360 00:23:58,589 --> 00:24:00,589 Suze: and we don't want to be a caretaker. We want 361 00:24:00,589 --> 00:24:03,310 Suze: to live our own life. I don't know what it is. 362 00:24:04,229 --> 00:24:06,709 Suze: But you have to write your story. 363 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,989 Suze: And after you have written your story 364 00:24:10,790 --> 00:24:12,438 Suze: I want you to really look at it. 365 00:24:13,339 --> 00:24:18,750 Suze: And then I want you to rewrite it without blame 366 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:19,839 Suze: or shame. 367 00:24:20,839 --> 00:24:25,419 Suze: I want you to rewrite it in a forceful, positive, 368 00:24:25,469 --> 00:24:30,790 Suze: courageous way, and that's the story that I want you 369 00:24:30,790 --> 00:24:31,430 Suze: to live. 370 00:24:32,310 --> 00:24:37,170 Suze: Because the true bottom line is until you know who 371 00:24:37,170 --> 00:24:37,959 Suze: you are. 372 00:24:38,569 --> 00:24:41,040 Suze: You can never have as much as you are meant 373 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:41,640 Suze: to have. 374 00:24:42,709 --> 00:24:45,619 Suze: Until you can be truly happy. 375 00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:48,500 Suze: You can't really be strong. 376 00:24:49,260 --> 00:24:52,849 Suze: And if you can't really be strong, you can't really 377 00:24:52,849 --> 00:24:57,140 Suze: then live in your truth, and truth is what attracts 378 00:24:57,140 --> 00:25:00,800 Suze: money to you. There's so many reasons that I want 379 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,800 Suze: you to do this exercise. 380 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:09,910 Suze: So until Thursday, write your story and let me know 381 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,239 Suze: how it goes.